I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
