john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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