when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We talked him into tasing himself.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
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She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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