Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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