so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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