Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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