pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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