forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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