i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
