Just mADE A PArabola og urine
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
