her vagine was all disorganized.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
