he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
