So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
