You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
