My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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