i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
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you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
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If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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