This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
