I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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