the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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