Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
