How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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