Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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