Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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