I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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