capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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