Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
