best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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