? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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