so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
