he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
