So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
