Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
