I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have fence marks all over my body
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
