mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
