i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
