Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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