hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
