She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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