Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
did i just pee glitter
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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