Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we're making bets on your personal life
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
