Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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