tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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