just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
