you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I believe in your delicious
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
