is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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