I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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