that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
