Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
