Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
