my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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