names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
