I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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