considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Even my vagina gasped.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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