in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
