I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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