my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize