And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
