Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
