i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
