there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
