Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
