I think my vagina is haunted
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
