Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
