Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
