i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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