i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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