piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
