we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
