Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he shaved USA in his pubs
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
