Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
