It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
