I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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