yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Drunk is a universal language darling
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
