You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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