dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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