So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
