Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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