Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm always down for nudity.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
